Growing Pains

A visual representation of my 2017:

Safe to say, things felt a bit rough for me in this last year. Before typing this up I made a list of adjectives that came to mind when recapping 2017. The very first words that popped in my head for that list were anxiety, depression, and stress. I know, intense! But don't worry, this will not be a post spent complaining about how hard things were and how easy I hope they become in this new year. Like I've told you guys before; the bad times always teach us something, and man oh man 2017 taught me plenty!

Despite that gloomy intro, I did have lots of reasons to smile last year. I worked my ass off and got a great promotion with my company. I was able to visit my family several times this year, which almost never happens due to distance and work. My friends were a constant source of laughs, support, and motivation. I read great books and explored caves in Mexico. I loved and received love. I can't get into the tough stuff without first acknowledging the good. 

So after all that along with some cute photos online and you'd think I had an incredible year and would feel invincible heading into 2018, right? 

The reality is that I felt the pressure of anxiety and depression heavier than I have in past years. For a large part of the year I felt crippled by this; I would feel physically exhausted from faking the funk every day so that nobody discovered how much I was really struggling. I put all of my energy into my job because it was the easiest distraction, and in a lot of ways I isolated myself because it was so much easier to be alone with my thoughts than to force a smile around people. But of course, being alone with your thoughts can be a dangerous thing if you feed into the wrong ones.

The robotic rhythm of my life caught up to me and I allowed myself to feel even worse by neglecting things that truly made me happy. My blog was left hanging with half ass effort, and I stopped with a lot of self care. I started to feel like a failure; like a waste of potential.

There is not really a magical epiphany moment when it comes to things like this. People don't wake up one day and spring out of bed saying "I've done it! I beat my depression! Anxiety who?!". But something great that did happen toward the end of the year was a shift in my perspective. I am making the decision that I don't want my negative feelings to run my life. Some days I have to actively force bad thoughts out of my mind; even getting out of bed to get ready for the day takes tons of energy on some days. But I decided to use every ounce of energy to shine light on even the darkest times.

The lessons that 2017 taught me are not limited to those who deal with mental health issues. We all need that extra motivation to fight off our demons, whatever they may be. So in case you need some ideas to spark a change in your outlook, here is what I am taking with me into this New Year. 

• Celebrate your small wins: Completed a task on your to-do list without finishing the entire thing? Be proud for what you DID accomplish vs. focusing on what you have yet to do. Give yourself a little positive reinforcement because we all need it to keep pushing forward. There will always be more to get done. But, as they say, Rome wasn't built in a day.
• A little self care goes a long way: I'm sure most of my ladies already know this. But it's something that's easy to forget when you aren't feeling too hot. Self care is not limited to bath bombs and face masks; it could mean no skipped meals, a clean home, doing your hair even though you want to throw it in a greasy bun and go, reading a good book. Take the time out to do things that make you feel good about yourself, not only things that would look good on an IG story.
• You aren't the only one dealing with shit: It's easy to get caught up in the drama of our own lives, but we can't forget that everyone else has lives of their own too. If you hurt someone, you don't get to decide that you didn't because of your own feelings. And if you have the power to make someone smile, do it. The world needs more of that type of energy. 
• DO NOT SETTLE: If you have a dream, chase it. If plan A or B or C crashed and burned, change your strategy up but not your goals. If there's one thing that can make a person miserable, it's settling for a life you do not want. Getting too caught up in a comfort zone when you have greatness in you will only dim your light. Surround yourself with like minds and watch how a little perseverance can change even the dreariest situations around. 
• F*ck what people think: No, this is not me telling you to ignore constructive criticism or go on a "no new friends" social media rant. However, everyone has an opinion. There will always be someone who has an opinion about who you are and what you're doing, and how you could be doing it differently or better. Learn not to take things so personally and go after what YOU want unapologetically, because YOUR dreams are not for anyone else but YOU. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, LET'S MAKE THIS A GREAT ONE!