Free Yourself (Archived) — The Urban Cocktail

I had a doctor's appointment a few days ago that was a serious inconvenience to my day. I made my appointment for 9am (when I should be clocking in at work), and wasn't seen until almost 1130. The staff seemed to have no idea what they were doing, not to mention I was three hours late for work. As I was shuffled between waiting rooms, it never crossed my mind to simply leave. I needed my annual exam and I didn't want to prolong anything having to do with my health.

This annoying experience got me thinking; when we're sick, we take medicine to relieve the physical symptoms ASAP. If we feel hungover after a night of partying, we immediately grab Advil and chug water to make the ordeal as quick and painless as possible. Why is it that we have an urgency to cure physical ailments as fast as we can, but strains to our mental health are allowed to linger and cause us much more pain than a simple cold or hangover?

When we hold on to toxic relationships, we're doing much more harm to our mental and sometimes physical well-being than we realize. This applies to romantic relationships, friendships, even family ties. If there is more bad than good, more sadness than happiness, more frustration and stress than laughter and enjoyment, it's time to reevaluate why we feel the need to hold on. From personal experience as well as an outsider looking in, there are a few different reasons why we allow the negativity to linger in our lives:

This person is a comfort zone; we are so used to their presence in our lives that we become terrified of the thought of living without them. Perhaps it's seeing their name in your inbox, knowing what they are doing when they are not with you, even constant fighting becomes routine and we are unsure how or if we even want to change that habit.
We cling to the good memories. We cherish the thought of whatever this person used to be toward us that made us feel connected in the first place. There is always hope that if you hold out long enough, they will be that person again; you'll revert back to that original happiness you once felt with them.
Guilt. When we love people, we feel a certain sense of obligation to them. We even put our own happiness to the side at times to avoid hurting them or feeling like we've abandoned them.
Insecurity holds a lot of people back as well. We may feel like this person has seen all of our flaws, and the fact that they're still around must mean that they love us more than anyone else could. If this person is truly toxic, they may even play on your insecurities to ensure you don't go anywhere.

I want to clarify that even though you may be involved in a toxic relationship, it doesn't always mean that the person is a toxic or evil individual. It may just be that you're both trying to force something that can't work. Different goals, morals, mind sets, or interests can have an impact on relationships that we don't realize. Sometimes, we want something to work so badly that we try to force them. We ignore major lifestyle differences, and in the process can make each other quite unhappy.

We won't let go of these ties until we are ready to stop feeling so shitty. Sometimes, this can take quite some time. It doesn't happen until you commit to true self-reflection. You have to be dedicated to finding your own happiness, and be brave enough to do what it takes to get there. Letting go can be terrifying, but isn't it scarier to think about living your entire life in pain?

My advice? Be selfish with yourself. Break away from that tunnel vision and imagine living your life for you. What dreams or goals do you have for your future? Can you realistically achieve them without letting go of the heavy distractions that unhealthy relationships come with?

When someone is an alcoholic, the withdrawals are terrible, sometimes life threatening. Despite the painful process of letting go of this habit, those who rid themselves of the dependency live to tell amazing stories of improved health, better relationships, and even genuine happiness. The same concepts that apply to our bodies apply to our minds and hearts as well. You have to feed your soul if you ever want to be happy, and unfortunately some relationships take more from us than we can give. The key is realizing when you have to let go, and loving yourself enough to do so.